Ra Sixth Day!

Saturday 9:16 a.m.
Had to ask the nun behind the counter what day it was. How they merge into one another here!

This morning was the best start ever. Slept all night so there couldn't have been any severe storms, or I'm getting used to them. Made the meditation with the lama as well.

I shy away from people. I stopped seeking out my uncle Peter (he's a publisher) once his partner, the Lonesome Cowboy Bill, published my first book. I thought it would look bad, but I really like uncle Peter. When Philip Howard, the boy who runs the Traverse, wrote and said he'd like to speak to me after he didn't want a play I'd sent him, I said no. Lama Yeshe, who is my guru, was in the breakfast place (unusually!) this morning and I'd shy away from him as well. Once I got a message (telepathic!) asking if I wanted to see him and I replied (telepathically) that I'd nothing to talk to him about. This occurred to me this morning when I saw him and even I could hardly believe it. I don't want to speak to Teresa either. I suppose you've got to see me eye to eye or I'm not having it. Natural networker me, so I am!

About the first thing I saw when I got out the tent this morning was a collie dog. It looked like a ravenous, meat eating monster. There are a lot of wee bunny rabbits and peahens with chicks walking about the place. About twelve years ago, Shiva and I visited the Holy Isle and after a few days a female visitor arrived to see the place. She was wearing just ordinary face make up. What a painted jezebel she looked!! Sensitivity, that's what it is, Jack! Sensitivity!

Be nice if when I got back to Edinburgh, the folk in Princes Street looked like deities (some hope!) instead of the mad basturns they usually look like when I get out of here!

14:58 p.m.
Wonderful meditations this morning. I'm doing a lot more vase breathing than I would have done, though I'm not giving it laldy, but trying to be discreet. Anyway, I wasn't getting much heat. I've decided not to think about this anymore. It's a hope or expectation. Seeing the photie of the lama yesterday looking skinny and as mad as a hatter probably helped. You're not going to get this just by wanting it.

I got my first inner heat experience in April 2003, and I'd have thought I'd be drying off half of England by this time. But it's not coming like that. I don't think it's not doing 100,000 recitations of the hundred syllable mantra, but has probably to do with purification issues. I hadn't been drinking for 4 months when that experience occurred. My big non-self and emptiness experience occurred after four months with no bob hope and after a year of not drinking. So what's that telling us, Jack. That's telling you to stay off the bevvy and the bob hope, Hotboy.

I don't miss it here. I really don't. Giving up everything though? Hmmm? Never done that before, not voluntarily anyway.

So the rule from now on is just to enjoy being here and doing it.