Ra Hotboy Dialogues No 3.

Saturday 6:30 p.m.
(To balance the force ...after the whole of Scottishness was disgraced by the behaviour of the hun supporters in Manchester last Wednesday night, their title challenge imploded today against Motherwell F.C. Jack the Spam Robot, a Celtic supporter, is heard drunkenly singing The Wild Colonial Boy offstage. The sounds of a scuffle and drunken obscenities are heard then Hotboy comes onstage with little Jack trussed up and with an elastoplast over his mouth)

Hotboy: Okay, Jack. Are you going to behave?
(Jack nods. The elastoplast is removed)
Jack: (Singing) Armoured cars and tanks and guns came to take away our sons ...
(The elastoplast is put back on)
Hotboy: No sectarian songs, please!
(Hotboy whispers in Jack's ear and Jack nods again)
Hotboy: Ladies and Gentlemen! Jack the Spam Robot has agreed to behave if I allow him to
give you a little song at the end.
(Hotboy removes the elastiplast)
Jack: I was so happy before you showed up!
Hotboy: You know that happiness is an afflictive emotion, don't you, Jack?
Jack: Fung off! How can happiness be an affliction?
Hotboy: I was thinking this out in the bath just before we came onstage. All emotions must
be afflictive because they are part of the suffering of change.
Jack: Those buddhists are worse than the greetin faced calvinist basturns. The first
noble truth is the truth of suffering. And you get the usual suffering that everybody
understands, the suffering affecting being happy since you stop being happy, and
all pervasive suffering which you are always trying to dodge, the suffering inherent
the punishment and reward of the whole gig! Fung suffering contaminating even
joy of watching the huns getting put to the sword! What a bunch of miserable
basturns these buddhists are!
Hotboy: You might have something there, Jack. But perhaps there's the chance of
having a good feeling that doesn't change into a bad feeling. Perhaps you can get your mind into a kind of solid state serenity, or equanimity. Maybe you can be a happy , smiling basturn all the time.

Jack: (cries) I never got my badge! You're a rotten basturn, so you are.
Hotboy: I'll give you another badge next time, Jack. It's a Library Monitor badge. When the library assistants see you with a badge like that, they'll all turn green.
(Jack springs off Hotboy's knee and though trussed up sings The Fields of Athenry. Since catholicism is a bit Irish around these parts and is known as The Great Bridge to buddhism, many of the audience have Irish connections. The sad song about the Potato Famine brings tears to many an eye and Jack's performance brings riotous applause at the end.)