Ra Blissheid Status Report!

Sunday night. 23:35 p.m.
The emotional bit comes first. Then I'll do the development of the juju bit, but it might not work out like that since I don't really edit this stuff.

Since the Domestic Bliss went out of town to the singing and dancing competitions on Friday morning, all I've really done is meditate, then drink. Still, there were ...

Yaroo! Yaroo! sounded the giant horns of the longships as they came into the Firth of Forth and nestled beside Portobello. I heard them three times and thrice did I reach out for the viking helmet and wish to rush forth and perform the drunken cavorting manouevres on the beach with my fellowship.

I was young once and walked by myself, and lost my way. I knew myself rich when I found a comrade. Man's joy is in man. From Sayings of the High One. The Wall

In my confusion, I landed out at the bus stop with my twenty pound note, but the gods told me to go home and stop being an asshole, or at least not that much of an asshole. And so I stayed in last night.

I don't do so well when the Domestic Bliss buggers off for the weekend. I kind of just lose the plot. There is not a sufficiency of calming down beforehand.

This rushing out into the street happened ... after the emotional bit.

I'd been meditating on Saturday for about four or five hours before I set of for this memorial service for someone I'd never met. Every day for about seven weeks I had tried to think of this person and ... well, this takes it out of yourself, like it's not really for you, etc. Anyway, I went to this celebration of Steve Engelman's life, and embarrassed myself by how emotional I felt.

A foundation practise might be to consider the preciousnness of human exsistence, considering how unlikely it is, and how wonderful it is to partake of such a thing.

I can't speak in public, but people spoke up for him, and as the personality unfolded, the tears kept welling up.

Anyway, I'm completely useless at these things. So everyone has to stay alive so I don't have to go to anything like that again.

It was Ion's dad's memorial thing. I hadn't met Ion before, but I knew she'd go outside for a smoke afterwards, and I waited there, but I felt too upset to cadge a fag off her, which is what I usually do when I interact with smokers.

I rushed out with my twenty pound note, which I'd stolen from the food money supply, and the gods opened the heavens and drenched me before I even got to the bus stop. Then the bus was going to be another twenty minutes, so I ran back home.

After I'd calmed down a bit, I sat in the lobby and did the juju.

Oh, what bliss there was! And heat! Not as much heat as the first time the heat ever occurred, but heat, the heat that prevails against the cold. This is, despite everything else I do, on the money, major juju, yogic fung trance heat. So, afterwards, I got up from the seat in the lobby and got pissed again, watching the boxing on the telly!

Oh, you're going to crash and burn! You're going to crash and burn! Ee Aye Ahdio, You're going to crash and burn!

I read the book and it asked me if I'd like to get the gold medal for meditation ... already I'd had such wonderful bliss, etc, ... and I said yes!

So when you can raise inner heat ... which I can' t do yet... when you can raise inner heat, and do the breathlessness, and have included the descending blisses in your juju .... remember, Jack, that the first bliss of the four blisses is the extraordinary and totally amazing and wonderful bliss, and they just get better from then on in ... that when y0u can do this, every time you start to meditate, the bliss you start with is the first bliss.

Hotboy, are you anywhere near this first bliss? I do not think I am anywhere near this first bliss, Jack, but I would get a fung of a lot closer to it if I ran out of money and stopped drinking beer.

I will not cycle to work tomorrow due to being pissed just now and not caring about the environment that much. I will sit in the bus instead. I will close my eyes and notice the improvements in ra bliss since the last Monday I sat on the bus going to work. Though I am a disgrace, and a feckless basturn ... I have lots of bottle and am very brave. To be a solitary realising foe destroyer takes a bit of bottle. The heat, you can't believe the heat. Ra bliss!! The whole thing is completely bizarre. Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!