Ra Temptations!

Saturday 9:20 p.m.
Just took the first sip ofErdinger. I've been having a moody time of it since I was inveigled down to Porty on Thursday night, apart from blogging last night and drinking more beer. It's all my own fault of course. You can't blame the flatheids.

For they know not what they do, Jack.Hotboy, they've got a better idea of what they're doing than you. It's just that they are too dumb to meditate and do not appreciate that if you weren't wasting your time with them, you could be engaged in the higher meditative states i.e. ra bliss, ra rapture and ra ecstasy.

Before the kiddo, for years I came home from Lanarkshire about the 27 or 28th of December and had a gramme of speed, which used to do me up until Hogmanay. I never saw anyone from when I got back till Hogmanay. I stayed in with Lou Reed. What a great time I used to have. These holidays were great then.

When I spent the New Year in Bellshill, which I did until the rampart alcoholism of the joes there just did my head in, I used to stand outside the auld maw's gate and listen to the bells, and think of what good things could possibly happen in the coming year.

The first Hogmanay I spent in Edinburgh, and ones for years later, were wonderful. Walked into a room off Leith Links and all my deep dear friends are there and they are all drinking something, but completely sober; every one of them with the wide open eyes; all speeding out of their heads. The Poisonous engages with the froggie who has very little English. Vitesse? Vitesse? Waken up, son!

I'm here to say that next year I'm going to flagellate myself, but I don't think I'll bother now. That first bottle of Erdinger has had a very nice effect! I've had great times all my adult life and have enjoyed myself much more than most of the miserable basturns that I know, and almost all the really good times involved drugs of some sort. What I think is the middle way for me is actually feast and famine. It's not between feast and famine. It is feasting and famine. This is the middle way as regards feasting and feasting. I can't just be moderate in all things. I'm not that kind of joe.

For next year maybe I should schedule in debaucheries and stick to a strict timetable. Like one and only one completely excessive weekend every now and again. One a month might do it. Between times, nothing. But like three weeks of nothing at all, with a weekend of being as bad as possible.

I know bugger all about Tantrism even although I do tantric buddhist juju, or what I think that might be. But there might be things called vajra feasts. These joes might wear tiger skins. Mayhap they also hump for India. But maybe that's just like for the weekend. The rest of the time maybe they're just doing ra bliss and staying in.

Next year I've got to separate these things. They're mixed at the moment in an undisciplined way. A sensible thing for me might be nothing for three weeks, get paid, go to the wild west down Ayrshire way, get some MDMA powder and spend the weekend watching dirty videos, and wishing to hump people.

What a productive evening! It's been a revelation. That is for me. Short bursts. Sweeties at the end if you want them. R and R. Once the juju worked sufficiently in the short bursts, you'd stop wanting the sweeties.

You have to get rid of the guilt, the usual fear and loathing concomitant with coming off all drugs, and doing bad things. I'm going to do them anyway, so I think I'll try to get them into a box somewhere and then start to throw sticks at them.

My problem is that I'm too sane. The supporting deities coinciding with my upbringing did such a brilliant job. The fact that I am so wonderful has nothing to do with me. Moi has left the building. In any case, someone has to push out the envelope of sanity and how could you leave this valuable task to the progeny of the evil bourgeois, the cossetted, the mammy's boys, and the products of the severe calvinist toilet training, the middle management fat basturn santy Xmas fungers?

So you're allowed to play the mind game if you're not in vibrant, electric eel response mode. You are not a responding device. It just doesn't go forwards.

I've only had two bottles of Erdinger and feel totally wasted. It's 10:33 p.m. I had the cannybliss yogurt at eight. Of course, I did my six three minute round routine in the Beer Monster Reduction Vehicle, then the bath, so the beer will just get sooked right in.

I need more intensive periods of meditation next year. I may be able to do that if I can promise myself a sweetie at the end. Is it time to bring licentiousness into the path? Be a miracle on my income.

A few minutes later: Dearie me! "Be a miracle on my income". Who was that? What fragmentation did that come from?

Could you get young women to go to bed with you, Hotboy? Only in my dreams, Jack.

Is it time to bring licentiousness into the path? Have I found my tao, Jack? I don't think so, Hotboy. But it is the best teeshirt slogan so far. Who could say a line like that? Jude Law. Happy days are here again!