Ra Hogmanay!

31 December, 2007. 3:30 p.m.
No point in blaming it on the flatheids. I've got a good old nicotine addiction now. One good thing about January for the past several years has been not having to give up nicotine in the New Year. Back to that. Buggeration.

Ra bliss when I've been engaging in the vajrayana, like I've been doing for the last two hours, has been truly exceptional. Unfortunately, the thoughts which will always arise have been very crabbit indeed. This is the nicotine withdrawal. So I went out and bought some fags and I'm having a joint. Dearie me!

Most of last year I was living in the hope that I'd get one of my books published and this has not happened yet. At least, there was some hope. And there still is. And in a couple of weeks time I will feel much better than I do now. Next year I hope not to be anywhere near flatheids at this time of the year. Let's hope I have learnt my lesson.

On Saturday night I was so full of ra bliss that when I was in the pub, I closed my eyes twice during the first two pints, and it was still there. The wonderful, wonderful bliss. If only I could just sit here doing this! There was a band playing. But you can't really sit with a bunch of flatheids doing ra bliss. They interupt you. They say: Are you alright?

The bandit got his name from the necklace he wore, which was made up of finger bones; one finger for everyone he'd killed. The Buddha went for a walk through the neighbourhood the bandit was terrorising, and the bandit decided to do him in, and followed him as fast as he could. Although the Buddha kept walking at his normal pace, the bandit couldn't catch up. Finally, he shouted for the Buddha to stop. The Buddha said: I have stopped. Why don't you stop?

I think I'm supposed to stop .... beer, nicotine, dope.

When should I stop then, Jack? Stop right now, Hotboy, or follow the trail of grief, sorrow, lamentations .... suffering in this life!

Hogmanay is one festival I actually like. I usually start feeling quite excited by about eight o clock. So today should improve. Have a Happy New Year everyone!

8:30 p.m.
I remember having great meditations at Hogmanay before ... over the last couple of Hogmanays. Today was no different. I stopped being crabbit and had two fantastic hours before the Dom Bliss came in. The vase breathing was working amazingly again. Amazingly. More of ra bliss than ever! Such bliss! I must remember that I'm always winning even when I seem to be losing. All I need is some time to sit. Tommorrow will be a right off, but the New Year arrives at the start of the week, and by the 3rd or 4th .... boy, will I have me a time!!!