28th December, 2007 10:16 p.m.
I had meant to take some Christmas pudding up to the hut for the robin redbreast, but I was so annoyed today that I forgot.
I thought I had cracked it with these holidays and it was at least a draw until then... anyway, I dug more in one go up at the allotment than I'd ever done before. I wanted to be knackered, but I think I must be getting too fit! The robin didn't appear. Let's hope the frost didn't do it in over the last couple 0f nights.
Probably meditated through the annoyance for about seven hours today and all the meditations were very good, so why did I get annoyed?
He, she, it, they annoyed me isn't what we do around here. One should not allow oneself to get annoyed. You have to take personal responsiblity for gettting annoyed. So why did you get annoyed? Fung Xmas santy basturns! Well, that doesn't really work.
It's an upward feeling of furies arising. It's a kind of boiling red mist fueled, it would seem, by adrenalin. This is the second time I've become annoyed like this since the summer. Both instances were caused by feeling thwarted, frustrated. As far as the Noble Truths are concerned, we're dealing with the first kind of suffering, if I remember right. Not getting the things you want, or getting the things you don't want. Fung Xmas santy basturns! So the false sense of self is right in there; it's in your face! It separates you from other folk.
At least, I didn't lose it and say something that I shouldn't have.
One day I will kill someone, Jack. You haven't killed anyone so far, Hotboy, so why should you kill someone now that you are fast approaching the free bus pass? Because, Jack, that fury arising is what happens with cornered rats. I am not brave. Some day someone will frightened me sufficiently for this red mist shit to arise, and they will hit me, and then I will unload decades of suppressed fury on their sorrow bottoms, and then it will be too late to say you're sorry. Too, too late then, Jack.
It would be nice if this particular product of bad karma did not fructify. Increasing your compassion and reducing your anger means ... well, you shouldn't get annoyed anyway. It doesn't help.
Regular readers of this bloggie (Hello, you spam robots!) may remember some funny cartoons Jeff Andro made of the sensei and I some time ago. It seems Jeff lost his wife over the last couple of days. "What's important in this life? Ask a man who's lost his wife. " (Chrissie Hynds) In Tibetan buddhism I think you come to again after two and a half or three days. And on the third day, he rose again. I think his wife was called Ro Patton. I might have gotten their surnames the wrong way round, but it doesn't matter. I felt quite upset last night when I heard that she was dead although I've never met her, so I'll do the next seven weeks juju for her. That should take me up to my birthday.
Dearie me! Afflictive emotions? Are there any emotions which aren't afflictive? Constant state euphoria. Or even a wee bit of equanimity. You can be too ambitious. I'd settle for that.
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7 comments:
Giving birds cavities is cruel anyway. I'm sure there's a joke there but I cannae be bothert lookin fer it.
Just brushing up the accent there before the clan descends upon us.
I remember you not murdering the punks in the night in the Meadows. Was this like that?
Re the afflictive emotions, you could try screamimg. If neighbours make it necessary, lock yourself in a wardrobe full of cushions. Even if it's embarrassing, just howl, and the rest will take care of itself. You can knock hell out of the cushions while you're at it. After it's all over you'll feel so good. What have you got to lose?
Forget the 10% off the top, all I ask is some advice re my own afflictive emotions re the incoming picts. That could help.
Albert? Whoever the punks were, I couldn't hit folk then with any skill or sense of purpose. Knowing how to hit people might be a help if you're going to do it anyway. Good luck with the picts. It was visiting that made me suddenly incandescent! Hotboy p.s. I used to go away and scream with the kiddo was wee! Be there.
I keep a large tub of birdseed for my flock. I've been lecturing my husband on not letting them starve while I'm off.
I understand the red mist of rage. Rage is my hardest emotional choice to deal with. It seems to be lurking just under the surface, ready to burst out in all directions and flatten people.
Since I expect to be flying the day after the stupid airports go on strike. I expect to have LOTS of chances to practice my calm. I think I'll carry my beads in a pocket and say my mantra till I wear them out. Since they are all stone, it will take a while.
I'm sorry you are struggling with the season of madness. I've found the best way to cope with it is to stay away from it as much as I can.
Marie Rex: Bad time to want to fly!! I can't keep away from them! Hotboy
Can't keep away from what? The planes? The birds with the seed? The flatheids?
I assume you didn't take my advice. You'd be the first.
Albert? I can't keep away from wanting to keep away from flatheids! Hotboy
I'll know the next time - when in doubt, assume the topic is flatheids.
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