Sunday 7:27 p.m.
It's not been quite the slough of despond, pilgrims, but the last wee while has sometimes been a pain in the neck. Well, if not the neck, the thigh and the shoulder. Since I can't stand on my head at the moment or sit in a lotus, I've decided to cheer myself up before the footie comes on with a dialogue with little Jack the Spam Robot.
(When the curtain goes up, Jack the Spam Robot is sitting on Hotboy's right knee. There is a bandage round Hotboy's left thigh and one wrapped round his shoulder. Several sticking plasters are stuck at random round his face)
JACK: How did you get all these injuries, Hotboy?
HOTBOY: This meditating is a rough game, Jack. Folk don't realise that.
JACK: (exuberantly) Well, Hotboy, do you want to talk about attachment, emptiness, or the suffering?
HOTBOY: (pissed off) Certainly not, Jack! I want to talk about the sweeties. I want to talk about the Six Yogas of Naropa, raising inner heat, ra fantastic bliss, and bonking kamamudras!
JACK: Bonking kamamudras? And how, pray tell, do you bonk a kamamudra, Hotboy?
HOTBOY: I'm not really too sure about that, Jack. Nobody's told me. But I think if you're really good at raising inner heat, and can withdraw the winds into the central channel, thus, as far as I can see, stopping your heart beating and breathing, then, and probably only then, will you get the instructions on how to bonk a kamamudra.
JACK: That sounds a wee bit like suspended animation to me, Hotboy. How can you bonk anyone in that state?
HOTBOY: I assume you're sitting in a lotus, Jack. In that case, the bonking should mainly be done by the kamamudra, I imagine.
JACK: What exactly is a kamamudra, Hotboy?
HOTBOY: Kama is, if I remember right, passion, Jack, as in Kama Sutra. So a kamamudra seems to me to indicate a passion grip.
JACK: (long pause) Hmmm? So when we're in heaven, Hotboy, and goddesses are strolling by, I can turn to you and say: What do you think of yon four armed red goddess, Hotboy? And you can reply: Yon goddess has grip, Jack.
HOTBOY: Maybe a mudra is a seal, Jack. Or a lock. Still, that last bit has evocated ... this isn't supposed to be like the movie Grease, Jack. We're not supposed to be hanging around street corners in heaven checking out the goddesses.
JACK: Why not? Also, how are you supposed to have an erection if you're not breathing and your heart has stopped?
HOTBOY: Hmmm? I've probably got this all wrong, Jack. Anyway, before I need to worry about all this, I'll be at least eighty years old at my rate of progress. So it won't be a lotus, Jack. It'll be a wheelchair with a viagra drip going into one arm and MDMA going into the other.
JACK: You're such a romantic, Hotboy!
(The footie has just started, so I might come back to this later!)
JACK.
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4 comments:
I use the passion grip but it's the first time I've heard it spoken about in polite company. Dearie me!
Albert? Is that you? Which variation do you use? Hotboy
Albert? There's nothing polite about this company! Hotboy
It's hard to describe, I could explain it in an HNT.
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