Wednesday 10 October 2007

Ra Syringe!

Wednesday 9:10 p.m.
Doctor Sam was sent straight from central casting. He was my jewish G.P. Like the jewish G.P. from a Walt Disney cartoon. He'd been recommended to me by the daughter (herself a G.P.) of one of the founding members of the British Communist Party. Now there's a touch of class!

So Doctor Sam suddenly produces the syringe, which looks like some kind of exotic Victoriana, like the hypodermic for the sperm whale. It was a metal giant, thicker than a bicycle pump and almost as long.

He was going to syringe my ears. This used to involve blasting hot water at high pressure into your earhole ... the way Doctor Sam did it was never to be repeated. He'd obviously had never burst an eardrum. It felt amazing. What he got out of those ears was beyond belief! But suddenly after months of being half deaf, it had all come on stereophonic again.

Nurses do this now. You have to see the doctor first so you can tell him you need your ears syringed. Then I've got the appointment to get the ears syringed four days later. Dearie me. Anyway, it'll never be like Doctor Sam again. Once I had to exhort this doctor to give it the gun. Hammer it, pal! What are you worried about? Give it the gun!

The nurse sticks a vibrating thing in your earhole now. Warm water skooshes out of it. It's fabulous, so it is. Tickily in a nice kind of way. I'll like to get one of those for Christmas.

The allotment was a nice place to be today. The leaves are turning brown, but the sun was oddly warm. I meditated on the newspapers burning and ate a lot of raspberries. I read a wee bit of the book I was pretending to read when two flatheids came down between the plots and walked passed. ..."Thus the jewel-like practitioner who engages in the profound path of Naropa's Six Yogas in this way has entered into a complete and unmistaken path for accomplishing enlightenment in one short lifetime, even in this degenerate age." Sixteenth century self improvement pamphlet.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hotboy,
There's no such thing as coincidence, I too was faced with a syringe today, the blood taking kind. In the love your disease it's making you healthy vein ( no pun intended)there's something you don't want to hear or aren't listening to. I hope it isn't the end of my last message...sorry it´s taken so long but I´ve been starting ranewlife in Cordoba.
Anyway, the bliss seems to be mounting despite the wax so

hotboy handed the hotdog seller a fiver and when he asked for the change the hotdog seller said
the change must come from within.
I don´t paticulatly want to be anonymous but that´s the only option I seem to have what does that mean in the bigger picture?
loveandpeacexxx

Hotboy said...

Anon: The hotdog jokes are great! Cordoba sounds so El Cid. I'd like to stay in Southern Spain, but only if I didn't have to go to work. I got a higher Spanish at school. Hablo un pequena tortilla? That wouldn't help much. Hotboy

ion said...

HB is so right about the sensations from a tepid ear-syringing- totally sensuous. But what would I know since, specifically against medical advice, I'm addicted to scratching my ear canals with cotton buds, even when all the packs specifically warn against this, and my dad told me never to put anything smaller than my elbow in my ear.

On the other hand, syringing ears with cold water results in most unpleasant symptoms of vertigo and nausea, as one's vestibular system is sent awry. I believe this has been used as torture in some of the more unpleasant political regimes of the 20th C.

Hotboy said...

IOn: I re-found the cotton buds when the hearing stopped. Fabulous! How far can you go? Does it go right through your head? These mysterious tunnels. I think I'd better stop now. Is there counselling for this yet? Hotboy

Hotboy said...

Ion: The first time had all the nausea and all that stuff. It was like smack is supposed to be like ... you puke first. Where do I go for counselling then, and don't say Dr Rob because he's a drain man. Hotboy

rob said...

Talk about a degenerate age! Just what the internet needs, a new level of perversion. Nurses giving aural orgasms. The NHS wasn't like that in my day, no wonder you're a fan of socialism.

For clarification, why not get Brian Wilson to photograph the exudate, for posting? That would help.

My history teacher was the son of James Maxton. Does your member of the British Communist Party beat that? I think not. That's the power of school fees for you.

rob said...

ion - I can get away with the bud thing too, that's the power of an Edinburgh medical training (failed). I use acetic acid and propyl alcohol, 50/50, after swimming to ward off the funguses, or at least chase them away to the nether regions.

rob said...

Is that any way to refer to Dr Rob when he's doing his best to help you, and free of charge?

rob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rob said...

HB - my old school chum Philip, whom you know actually, lives in Spain and could surely put you up. Not sure which of you'd be a worse influence.

He'll be here in December, plug in your webcam and I'll put him on. All will become clear, like ear canals in the Spanish heat.

Hotboy said...

Albert? Is that you? I thought the earhole stuff might put you into a frenzy! Is Philip still cross-dressing and picking up men in bars? That's something else you get with school fees! Knowing how to present yourself! Hope this helps. Hotboy p.s. I do not have a webcam. If I had a webcam, I would be a millionaire!

rob said...

Why not issue shares in the webcam, and pay a regular dividend out of the millions? They tell me everyone in Britain's a capitalist now. That must help.

Hotboy said...

Albert? Good idea about the shares in the webcam! Do you think the Nippon Cosmocomputery Conglomerate would donate one, then shares ... I'd clean up, so I would! Hotboy