I wakened up this morning at 4 a.m. and didn't get back to sleep before I had to get up and go to the jobbie. During some of this time I prayed to God to let me die before I had to get up at seven. I've had a wonderful life and I'm already five years overdue. I've had my share and I don't really want to live till I'm old. Also, I got drunk yesterday and was slightly hungover. Bad boy!
Oh, to be in the formless zone, I thought. Where thoughts do not form and there are no manuals to read and no microwave ovens.
I thought of what a wonderful life I've had. Paramahansa Yogananda died at about my age. So did the 16th Karmapa. I'm already five years older than my old man ever was. Now that I am back at my jobbie dying seems fine. I don't want to be here. Please let me die now, God. A heart attack or a stoke would do.
8:45 p.m.
After just the one lapse over the five week period of sobriety, I caved in when visitors from the west arrived to stay overnight on Saturday. Then I got pissed yesterday. So I should think that's not too bad, considering. But going to work with a hangover was horrible and I hope it's another five weeks before I have another drink. Dearie me!
Monday, 13 August 2007
Thursday, 9 August 2007
Ra Not So Perfect Day!
Thursday 6 p.m.
In desperation, I phoned Brian Wilson around lunchtime, but so far he's been unable to find anyone to give him a new liver and could not come out to play.
You lost the plot then, Hotboy? Almost, Jack. Almost.
Going off to look at the Festival city yesterday afternoon was not a good idea. The whole experience was very evocative of days gone by.
All the time the kiddo was at primary school, this week was special. We'd collect her wee pal before lunch and after I'd fed them, I'd take them up to see the street performers by the Art Gallery in Princes Street. Perfect entertainment for kids. Then we'd go to the swings at the east end of Princes Street Gardens. I'd buy them a juice if I had the money, but I usually didn't. Memories flooding in of wonderful days before the kiddo went to high school and I got a full time jobbie.
Kind of didn't know where to put myself after that. The six mile run I did on Tuesday had knocked the bejesus out of me, and there's no cannybliss yogurts, and I couldn't have a drink. Didn't feel so good today either. I was ready to go out and get blootered, but the temptation passed when there was no one to get blootered with. So I sat down to meditate in the lobby. I started dozing off and went for a wee lie down on the couch in the living room.
Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss! Dozing off in ra bliss is so wonderful, especially today. How I wish I could go to sleep like that at night. Or waken up. You waken up in ra bliss as well. Fantastic! Then I went into the lobby and the vase breathing there hit new levels. It doesn't usually work like that, especially not at that time of the day.
It's really hard not to believe in your thoughts sometimes, Jack. The internal monologue is a lying basturn, Hotboy. So it is, Jack. Especially when you're tired.
So what do you have to do, Hotboy? Well, Jack, I think after my retreat I've sussed it out. You get the vase breathing to work properly with the melting, blazing and dripping symbols, the woiks! Then you go through the death process and get some control over that. When you're dead, an illusory body pops out. It's superdooper. You get to play around with that when you're alive if you can do this juju, then you can have even more fun when you're dead.
Is that a joke, Hotboy? No, I think that's what they're trying to do, Jack. What about emanating as a deity then? You do that as well, Jack. That's the generation stage. After that, you do the completion stage, which is the going dead bit, etc.
That'll be ten percent off the top, please!
In desperation, I phoned Brian Wilson around lunchtime, but so far he's been unable to find anyone to give him a new liver and could not come out to play.
You lost the plot then, Hotboy? Almost, Jack. Almost.
Going off to look at the Festival city yesterday afternoon was not a good idea. The whole experience was very evocative of days gone by.
All the time the kiddo was at primary school, this week was special. We'd collect her wee pal before lunch and after I'd fed them, I'd take them up to see the street performers by the Art Gallery in Princes Street. Perfect entertainment for kids. Then we'd go to the swings at the east end of Princes Street Gardens. I'd buy them a juice if I had the money, but I usually didn't. Memories flooding in of wonderful days before the kiddo went to high school and I got a full time jobbie.
Kind of didn't know where to put myself after that. The six mile run I did on Tuesday had knocked the bejesus out of me, and there's no cannybliss yogurts, and I couldn't have a drink. Didn't feel so good today either. I was ready to go out and get blootered, but the temptation passed when there was no one to get blootered with. So I sat down to meditate in the lobby. I started dozing off and went for a wee lie down on the couch in the living room.
Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss! Dozing off in ra bliss is so wonderful, especially today. How I wish I could go to sleep like that at night. Or waken up. You waken up in ra bliss as well. Fantastic! Then I went into the lobby and the vase breathing there hit new levels. It doesn't usually work like that, especially not at that time of the day.
It's really hard not to believe in your thoughts sometimes, Jack. The internal monologue is a lying basturn, Hotboy. So it is, Jack. Especially when you're tired.
So what do you have to do, Hotboy? Well, Jack, I think after my retreat I've sussed it out. You get the vase breathing to work properly with the melting, blazing and dripping symbols, the woiks! Then you go through the death process and get some control over that. When you're dead, an illusory body pops out. It's superdooper. You get to play around with that when you're alive if you can do this juju, then you can have even more fun when you're dead.
Is that a joke, Hotboy? No, I think that's what they're trying to do, Jack. What about emanating as a deity then? You do that as well, Jack. That's the generation stage. After that, you do the completion stage, which is the going dead bit, etc.
That'll be ten percent off the top, please!
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Ra Perfect Day!
Wednesday 11:00 a.m.
Stumbled towards this perfect day. I visited and someone visited me at the weekend. Then, after a great start on Monday, I fell foul of a stonking great horrible head cold. Oh no! I can't bloody do vase breathing through this. Eight hours later, it was gone. Just like that. So on Tuesday I was fit again and then Brian Wilson started pursuing me.
Outlandish claims were made about playing goolf, or going in his motor somewhere scenic to go for a jog. Two years ago Brian and I had a wonderful day binge drinking during the Festival here and I knew that was what he wanted. Just at the crucial moment, when I was trying my best to capitulate, he said he had to go to the third world to buy an new set of internal organs since the drink has worn out his first set. A narrow escape!
By last night, the vase breathing was reaching new heights of blissiness. There was some warmth and pulsating bliss and a fantastic combination of sensations in all the minor and major chords of pleasure. Something for the end of the evening when you've been a good boy and managed to avoid all the traps the flatheids set for you.
The more I get of this, the more I think what a shame it is for the flatheids! Too dumb to meditate and never playing the mind game, it's like driving a Ferrari but never getting out of first gear. Who would ever give up this for flatheidedness? Who wants to be a moron? I'm not sticking my hand up for that one, Jack.
When ra bliss came on so strong shortly after I wakened up this morning, and lay on my side, well, I knew it was going to be a perfect day. I've gotten over the transition to life among the mentally handicapped, and I still haven't had a beer. The cannybliss yogurts ran out last night. Everything is pulling in the one direction now, which is rare. I've got till Friday for myself. Just keep away from the flatheids, Hotboy, and you may get this navel symbol to go hot. Despite the volume of ra bliss, it's not gone hot the way I know it can yet. Boy, am I going to have me a time!
Though the sun splits the trees, I'll stay in the lobby till lunchtime and then foray out for a bit to see the Festival sights up the High Street, etc. On this day, I am truly a fortunate, fortunate creature!
Stumbled towards this perfect day. I visited and someone visited me at the weekend. Then, after a great start on Monday, I fell foul of a stonking great horrible head cold. Oh no! I can't bloody do vase breathing through this. Eight hours later, it was gone. Just like that. So on Tuesday I was fit again and then Brian Wilson started pursuing me.
Outlandish claims were made about playing goolf, or going in his motor somewhere scenic to go for a jog. Two years ago Brian and I had a wonderful day binge drinking during the Festival here and I knew that was what he wanted. Just at the crucial moment, when I was trying my best to capitulate, he said he had to go to the third world to buy an new set of internal organs since the drink has worn out his first set. A narrow escape!
By last night, the vase breathing was reaching new heights of blissiness. There was some warmth and pulsating bliss and a fantastic combination of sensations in all the minor and major chords of pleasure. Something for the end of the evening when you've been a good boy and managed to avoid all the traps the flatheids set for you.
The more I get of this, the more I think what a shame it is for the flatheids! Too dumb to meditate and never playing the mind game, it's like driving a Ferrari but never getting out of first gear. Who would ever give up this for flatheidedness? Who wants to be a moron? I'm not sticking my hand up for that one, Jack.
When ra bliss came on so strong shortly after I wakened up this morning, and lay on my side, well, I knew it was going to be a perfect day. I've gotten over the transition to life among the mentally handicapped, and I still haven't had a beer. The cannybliss yogurts ran out last night. Everything is pulling in the one direction now, which is rare. I've got till Friday for myself. Just keep away from the flatheids, Hotboy, and you may get this navel symbol to go hot. Despite the volume of ra bliss, it's not gone hot the way I know it can yet. Boy, am I going to have me a time!
Though the sun splits the trees, I'll stay in the lobby till lunchtime and then foray out for a bit to see the Festival sights up the High Street, etc. On this day, I am truly a fortunate, fortunate creature!
Sunday, 5 August 2007
Sunday 10:00 p.m.
Tomorrow the supporting deities go back to their places, and I will be able to go up to the hut and assess developments, as one does on a Monday morning.
I haven't had any alcohol for a month now, apart from getting pissed with the guy who can't breath so well, but can still swallow. So no booze for two and a half weeks. But only once in the proceeding week and a half. A complete teetotaller, in fact!
After ten days of sitting on my bum and eating huge lunches, I did my shadow boxing routine on Friday. Dearie, dearie me. So I went out for a six mile run .... no, shuffle on Saturday, but there's nothing like running for knocking the crap out of you. Beautiful places to run through in the right light: Ravelstone Dykes, Craigcrook Crescent. Nice leafy part of town. Felt quite exhilarated maybe just because I wasn't going to die after all, but most enjoyable.
Usually when I return to this planet, there are difficulties in re-adjusting to life among the nutters, but not this time somehow. Hardly noticed the shift. Maybe it's getting pissed as soon as you get out that dislocates your equilibium.
Happy, happy days here. I'm really looking forward to meditating tomorrow for hours and hours and hours. I've still got a week of holiday left. A whole week! Any fantastic eruptions of ra bliss will be reported here first by RaBadBoyBLissheid.
Tomorrow the supporting deities go back to their places, and I will be able to go up to the hut and assess developments, as one does on a Monday morning.
I haven't had any alcohol for a month now, apart from getting pissed with the guy who can't breath so well, but can still swallow. So no booze for two and a half weeks. But only once in the proceeding week and a half. A complete teetotaller, in fact!
After ten days of sitting on my bum and eating huge lunches, I did my shadow boxing routine on Friday. Dearie, dearie me. So I went out for a six mile run .... no, shuffle on Saturday, but there's nothing like running for knocking the crap out of you. Beautiful places to run through in the right light: Ravelstone Dykes, Craigcrook Crescent. Nice leafy part of town. Felt quite exhilarated maybe just because I wasn't going to die after all, but most enjoyable.
Usually when I return to this planet, there are difficulties in re-adjusting to life among the nutters, but not this time somehow. Hardly noticed the shift. Maybe it's getting pissed as soon as you get out that dislocates your equilibium.
Happy, happy days here. I'm really looking forward to meditating tomorrow for hours and hours and hours. I've still got a week of holiday left. A whole week! Any fantastic eruptions of ra bliss will be reported here first by RaBadBoyBLissheid.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Ra Bye Bye Samye Ling!
12:22 p.m.
This last morning has, of course, been wonderful!I did everything I had to do in the half hour from 9 till 9:30 p.m., including buying my auld maw a statue of the Medicine Buddha. I asked the lama to bless it during the session and I think he did.
There was so much bliss there, and a little heat. There is no place I would rather have been over the past ten days and nothing else I would rather have done. It has been just great!!! So it's bye bye to the Samye Ling from RaBadBoyBLissheid! Hope I get back here before too long!
This last morning has, of course, been wonderful!I did everything I had to do in the half hour from 9 till 9:30 p.m., including buying my auld maw a statue of the Medicine Buddha. I asked the lama to bless it during the session and I think he did.
There was so much bliss there, and a little heat. There is no place I would rather have been over the past ten days and nothing else I would rather have done. It has been just great!!! So it's bye bye to the Samye Ling from RaBadBoyBLissheid! Hope I get back here before too long!
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
Ra Samye Resume!
Wednesday 20:27 p.m.
This is the last post (maybe!) from the Samye, and a definite warning to all flatheids, Alien Creatures from Outer Space, Masai Warriors and spam robots (Hello, Jack!) to be wary of setting foot in this joint! You'll end up walking about with four heads and twelve arms if you don't watch out! This makes getting throught doors really tricky, I'll tell you!
Also, for those spam robots following The Amazing Bloggy Church of the Bad Boy Blissheid's step by step approach to getting out of your face on air, here comes the next step... but to reiterate!
STEP 1: You say Mumbo Jumbo to yourself constantly (this might be any sound you like the sound of, the recommended one being Susquehanna. But Sasperela, or San Franscisco, or Sausages will do just as well) and while you're not doing that you sometimes say: IT'S JUST A LOAD OF OLD PHOTONS!
STEP 1: This is just the same as step 1. You still repeat some Mumbo Jumbo, but when you're not doing that, you say: IT ARISES IN MIND, IT ABIDES IN MIND, IT DECLINES IN MIND!
STEP 3 is the same as steps 1 and 2, except when sometimes you say: IT ARISES IN EMPTINESS, IT ABIDES IN EMPTINESS, IT DECLINES IN EMPTINESS!
STEP 4 will come after I have received ten percent off the top!
Has anyone got a knitting pattern for a jumper with twelve arms and four head holes?
Well, I'll be going home tomorrow! This has been a great retreat!!!
This is the last post (maybe!) from the Samye, and a definite warning to all flatheids, Alien Creatures from Outer Space, Masai Warriors and spam robots (Hello, Jack!) to be wary of setting foot in this joint! You'll end up walking about with four heads and twelve arms if you don't watch out! This makes getting throught doors really tricky, I'll tell you!
Also, for those spam robots following The Amazing Bloggy Church of the Bad Boy Blissheid's step by step approach to getting out of your face on air, here comes the next step... but to reiterate!
STEP 1: You say Mumbo Jumbo to yourself constantly (this might be any sound you like the sound of, the recommended one being Susquehanna. But Sasperela, or San Franscisco, or Sausages will do just as well) and while you're not doing that you sometimes say: IT'S JUST A LOAD OF OLD PHOTONS!
STEP 1: This is just the same as step 1. You still repeat some Mumbo Jumbo, but when you're not doing that, you say: IT ARISES IN MIND, IT ABIDES IN MIND, IT DECLINES IN MIND!
STEP 3 is the same as steps 1 and 2, except when sometimes you say: IT ARISES IN EMPTINESS, IT ABIDES IN EMPTINESS, IT DECLINES IN EMPTINESS!
STEP 4 will come after I have received ten percent off the top!
Has anyone got a knitting pattern for a jumper with twelve arms and four head holes?
Well, I'll be going home tomorrow! This has been a great retreat!!!
Ra Ninth Day!
Wednesday 9:14 a.m.
The Domestic BLiss and the kiddo arrived safely yesterday and it was so nice to see them! They made me realise how tired I was. Then I got an hour or two of relaxation and went back to the darkened temple at nine o clock. Two spooky guys this time. But, due to the night falling, I think, the symbols were brighter and the heat thing seeemed to be working better. The meditation this morning finished very blissfully. Just before the gong to finish, I'm sure the lama came to me and upped ra bliss!!
Yes, that was a very good hour! I think I'm remembering better that I'm supposed to be combining ra bliss with emptiness. This isn't easy since it's very nice just to have ra bliss, especially when it's very full on. Actually, when it's very full on, you can't really do much but be in it.
Reading Lama Thebten Yeshe's Bliss of Inner Fire has been very useful again. I think I understand a bit more now about the illusory body, and I can use this when I re-write The Real McCoy. It's not a bad book just now and it's on my webpage.
I was happy when I wrote that book and I think it shows. I'll be happy when I do the re-write if I do it. I might be able to stop writing completely now and just give it up. I haven't written for nearly a year now, which is a long time for me. I will re-write that book if new book finds a publisher. If it doesn't.... who knows!
This is my last full day here. I'm so happy I came here when I did. By tomorrow luncthime I'll have sat meditating with one of the greatest meditators in Britain, if not the universe, for over sixty hours in the last ten days. It's better than money in the bank!!! What a fortunate creature I am, Jack. I know, Hotboy. Few more fortunate than you!!
2:48 p.m.
What a fabulous day I'm having! The morning session was the first one not attended by the lama, but what a session it was! At one point ra bliss seemed to go into a completely different ... a completely different .... well, it was completely different, Jack. Apart from the superhot symbols, it seemed to be there, most of it anyway. And more of it than yesterday.
The kiddo and the Dom Bliss were still here for lunch and it was pouring down good Samye Ling style. I told the kiddo about the lama once answering a question I asked by looking slightly pissed off and saying: "In Tibet they told us that sleep was useless!" So I went back into the temple for Makhala prayers instead of heading for the tent and a half hour or so of sleepybys. What a brilliant hour or so I had in there.
It's always the same down here. Just when you think it's just about to happen properly, you have to go home!! Well, I'm not home yet. I've got hours and hours and hours of ra bliss to go! Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!
The Domestic BLiss and the kiddo arrived safely yesterday and it was so nice to see them! They made me realise how tired I was. Then I got an hour or two of relaxation and went back to the darkened temple at nine o clock. Two spooky guys this time. But, due to the night falling, I think, the symbols were brighter and the heat thing seeemed to be working better. The meditation this morning finished very blissfully. Just before the gong to finish, I'm sure the lama came to me and upped ra bliss!!
Yes, that was a very good hour! I think I'm remembering better that I'm supposed to be combining ra bliss with emptiness. This isn't easy since it's very nice just to have ra bliss, especially when it's very full on. Actually, when it's very full on, you can't really do much but be in it.
Reading Lama Thebten Yeshe's Bliss of Inner Fire has been very useful again. I think I understand a bit more now about the illusory body, and I can use this when I re-write The Real McCoy. It's not a bad book just now and it's on my webpage.
I was happy when I wrote that book and I think it shows. I'll be happy when I do the re-write if I do it. I might be able to stop writing completely now and just give it up. I haven't written for nearly a year now, which is a long time for me. I will re-write that book if new book finds a publisher. If it doesn't.... who knows!
This is my last full day here. I'm so happy I came here when I did. By tomorrow luncthime I'll have sat meditating with one of the greatest meditators in Britain, if not the universe, for over sixty hours in the last ten days. It's better than money in the bank!!! What a fortunate creature I am, Jack. I know, Hotboy. Few more fortunate than you!!
2:48 p.m.
What a fabulous day I'm having! The morning session was the first one not attended by the lama, but what a session it was! At one point ra bliss seemed to go into a completely different ... a completely different .... well, it was completely different, Jack. Apart from the superhot symbols, it seemed to be there, most of it anyway. And more of it than yesterday.
The kiddo and the Dom Bliss were still here for lunch and it was pouring down good Samye Ling style. I told the kiddo about the lama once answering a question I asked by looking slightly pissed off and saying: "In Tibet they told us that sleep was useless!" So I went back into the temple for Makhala prayers instead of heading for the tent and a half hour or so of sleepybys. What a brilliant hour or so I had in there.
It's always the same down here. Just when you think it's just about to happen properly, you have to go home!! Well, I'm not home yet. I've got hours and hours and hours of ra bliss to go! Oh, ra bliss, ra bliss, ra bliss!
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